I just passed one of the bars and saw my mom kissing another woman. This can't be good....right?
Knowing your life, probably not.
I feel like if your cat could talk she would call me a cunt.
YOU CAN MICROWAVE POPTARTS!?!??!
i feel like even strangers are annoyed with me because of how drunk i was last night
I was debating whether her purse was real then I saw her puke in it.
They're taking me to ER. Mistasnkingly. Come get me.
This tent reeks of fear and sangria
Like fighting the continuous urge to sing Neil diamond "coming to America" kinda fucked up right now
Well my ankle is fucked up, everytime it pops I have a reminder of $200. Jager bomb night and the day we began to rebuild our friendship.
Halfway through the blowjob she stopped and said 'Wait I know this dick'.
Bullets don't scare me. I wish I was a coyote
the bartender knew what was up when i took a sip of my drink, gagged and asked her to water down my water
mid-october of freshman year. goals have shifted from "no more guys on my floor" to "all the guys on my floor."
How much weed should I buy my mom for her birthday?
Nothing says “I spent too much in Vegas” quite like eating a jar of pickles for dinner and planning on cream of celery soup for breakfast tomorrow.
Randomize
