Raise your hand if you bought 2 annoying girls shots of water. CLOWNS.
Oh yes. The girl who wanted me to watch her pee.
just had a dream there were parent teacher conferences in college...scariest dream ever.
Dude. Apparently I just smoked some stuff that's used for Nigerian spirit quests.
Just left the frat house in last nights clothes minus my earings, shoes, underware, tequilla cap, and my dignity. If you see me on your way home just hit me
I woke up with a pinecone in my hair. A full pine cone.
Hey in a lighter note I also nutted in that cheerleader too if she got prego there would have been a team reunion on Maury
Who spent today in nothing but a vajazzle and candy thong? SORRY NOT SORRY
I can smell the sangria seeping out of my pores
why does CNN give a flying $@*# about the royal baby so, so much?
i hope they name him Joffrey
Good morning! So would you prefer me to show up kind of late or on time but looking like I got chewed up and spat out by an episode of Buffy the Vampire Slayer?
I did the walk of shame this morning and his mom hugged me in the driveway
It's a shame, really, because he's got the cock of a horse... And the personality of dry toast.
You ripped his router out of the wall and screamed "I have defeated the matrix"
I sharted in court today and had to sit on it for about three and a half hours.
Randomize
