He went so fast i didnt even have time to pretend like i was about to have a fake orgasim
Thanks for holding onto me so I didn't fall in my pee in that parking lot. You're the best boyfriend ever.
You broke a window with your face. I don't think the landlord will be as impressed as we were.
She sucked her thumb until she was 17. It's like my dick was born to be in her mouth.
And when I say "complete whore" I mean I could possibly make a shameful profit by wearing this.
Apparently I have a urinal in my bedroom
Travelers Top-Tip: Europeans do not appreciate being repeatedly referred to as "gypsy" regardless of how good your Borat impression is.
After he finished he proceeded to check my boobs for breast cancer.
I made my own utility belt like Batman. It has a cup holder for my beer, cell phone holder, a little pocket for condoms, and a sewing kit just in case.
Just try not to burn your pubes off with sparklers this year.
No promises
You can wear anything you want
So... Naked it is then
I just got dropped off by that cop that pulled you over. Best sex ever! Consider that $140 ticket my birthday present.
His mom said he was in the ER and asked for prayers and positive thoughts. Apparently, me wishing the clap on him is not what she had in mind.
Currently standing at the bus stop in just a pillowcase and its fucking snowing
It’s a prereq for med school, so I hope the professor likes blow jobs
Randomize
