Here's my recipe for happiness. Go get a pen. 1. smoke a bowl 2. put on explosions in the sky 3. take a bath. Do this for about 1 hour or until all your problems go away.
Apparently married women at the office don't like getting congratulated on getting "knocked up"
Just saw the liqour store owner get into a mercedes, almost proud to be responsible for that
Some dude at the gas station right now is buying a 30 rack of beast and a can of cat food. Happy Thanksgiving.
For the record I fully support drunken you in most social situations... Just not charity events.
you were stumbling around in your attic looking for all your swim team medals because you wanted to "feel like a champion."
She pulled out a handful of chest hair. And then gave the room a Brave Heartesque speech.
Rub those nipples and moan like a platypus.
Jesus, are you hammered?
Hammered for that juicy ass. I'll bring the straws.
Yea I saw a friend of yours carrying your limp body somewhere
I think they make you graduate because you get too old to go hard and become a risk. homecoming weekend wins again. fuck.
I had jack at 8 am= instant drunk
Well. I hope my dad likes whatever sweater stoned me picks out.
I DONT KNOW HOW I'M NOT DEAD, JESUS CHRIST ON A DOUBLE DECKER FUCKING KEANU REEVES BUS
I had to put my dog down, accidentally outed my brother, and was given a fucking fish sandwich instead of a Big Mac ALL IN ONE DAY! Am I really the person you want to consult for advice? Hhhmmmmmm?
I asked you why you bought a sword and you then replied with the greek alphabet and then tried to assure me that samurais are apart of greek life.
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