So pretty much, I was trying to piece last night together and remembered a point where I was pointing to you heart then touching your face. I'm not sure that I ever translated that to "I like your personality better than your looks" but that's what I meant
You know the guy who poops at a party and then leaves and you go in, do your business, and come out and there are girls outside that think you pooped and no one talks to you? I'm the guy who poops before you go in, because I'm in a relationship and I hate you.
My mom can no longer prohibit me from smoking pot..I sell to her boyfriend.
nothing like morning wood sex at 4pm. funemployment ftw
I got cut off for calling the flower girl a slut. What are you doing?
i woke up next to a ladle and a packet of chocolate biscuits that my face had melted into one giant biscuit.
You should kill a bro for me and drag his carcass home so I can study him.
just when his roommates walked in, we were naked in the kitchen. proceeded to awkwardly pretzel walk back into his room to cover each other (not that they haven't seen me naked plenty of times) and continue to have glorious morning sex. his roomates love me.
I added a U.S. Senator on snapchat....casual.
I wish everyone could suck his dick. It was an honor.
Who looks around on a bright, sunny day and says, "you know what? Today I'm going to write gay dinosaur erotica"
He made me a flamingo drink and now I don't know why things are the way they are.
All because of that GODDAMNED MIKE PENCE.
Get here now. There’s a guy dressed as Captain Morgan handing out miniature bottles of Captain Morgan.
Oh no...did you put star fish over your nipples again?
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