I learned much from the teen babysitter: I can light a cigarette in a microwave.
oh yeah I'm gonna practice throwing up so I can be ready for Friday night. and Saturday. Beth is back, diaper and all.
Woke up un the hot tuv. Climbed out fo the hot tub and fell asleeo. Woke ip again in the hot tub.
Is "blowjob enthusiast" a bad costume?
Well, he sent me "techno kitty adventure" about 10 minutes ago. So, he could be anywhere.
five cans of playdoh and a game of guess whose penis ...
The cab driver was nice enough to let you finish your beer in the car, but you crossed the line when you started to pee in the empty bottle
I actually just took 17 pictures of some guy at the gas station that needs to marry me now
I feel violated by Miley Cirrus's performance in the VMA's.
Dude. Where are you? There's a hot chick drunkenly dancing on the bar and aggressively taking shots to Pink songs. She looks like she needs a rebound. Get. Here. Now.
FUCK NYC TRAFFIC.
Pretty sure at some point last night i said to myself "it'll be fun to completely lose my mind for a night"
A toast to whoever set this year's daylight savings fallback to the day after halloween, granting us another hour to detox before we pretend to be functional adults. Clearly, a partier with forethought and clear priorities. Cheers!
Can we go out and get blitzed in celebration that they'll be no more surprise kids
I felt like I needed to shower with a Mr. Clean Magic Eraser.
I just found my phone after looking for it since yesterday afternoon it was in the fridge.
Randomize
