She looked kinda like Mario Batali?
my dad just secretly slid me a nugg in front of my mom. remind me why I moved away for college??
I'm sitting by the window waiting for the sun to go down so that I can start drinking.
she moaned out jack bauer's name while i was banging her...
Technically this isn't a church so we could have been drinking this whole time.
You were screaming across the bar "BUYING US SHOTS ISN'T GOING TO MAKE US STRAIGHT, YA KNOW!!!!!!!!"
Crazy how fast a room full of drunk teenagers sober up when someone breaks his parents' new flat screen
I'll be so proud. Like a proud mama bear freeing my slut cub into the wild.
Sunrise bitch. You owe me waffles
I'm standing at the bottom of the driveway w a sign that says plow me
In my defense, who let the drunk girl run around with a sack of broken glass unsupervise?
I punched the bar tender after he cut me off. Hopped over the bar and made my own drink. That's how I got tazed
i am craving dick and cupcakes
THIS FUCKNUGGET
DOES HE EVEN REALIZE HOW MANY INCREDIBLE INSULTS I'VE WASTED ON HIM
I'VE INSULTED THE EVERLOVING SHIT OUT OF HIM AND HE CAN'T EVEN APPRECIATE IT
THE HO
Nope. Im a prince of the americas. I treat my women like future queens. Also, im drunk watching the royal wedding
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