Passing out is just my bodies way of protecting my liver.
My worst case scenario tonight is that I fuck a hot Swiss girl. Let that give you perspective on my life at the moment.
I think it got a little awkward for her when my dad walked in on us and did nothing except leave half of his pizza on the table for us.
Regular drunk falling on flat ground did not prepare me for drunk falling into a pile of firewood.
Eric and I just went in the hallway to practice our new handshake in a real life situation at live speeds. That high.
i am an animal i am literally locking myself in my house and not coming out for a week i don't deserve to be in public
Look. When I let you cum on my tits don't fuck it all up by going "SKEET SKEET SKEET" it just pisses me off.
well one of us has to be wrong and it's not going to be me
I am laying in your bed and just found a bottle of wine under your pillow ...should have married you...
Well don't pass out under a Swedish flag and people won't make assumptions
Maybe if I get to know him I'll stop wanting to fuck his wife so much.
Im like a saiyan, last weekends hangover will only make me stronger
Always a gay best friend, never a bridesmaid
Mom is so high she had to turn off the ceiling fan because it was going too fast and it freaked her out.
whenever dudes said you had nice tits you'd scream at them "This double push-up bra is full of deceit and lies!"
Randomize
