weak ass sauce last night. waste of time. you suck. ps. your boobs are fake
**i WaNt TO sLaP mY niECe wHO ThINks iT iS cUte tO WriTE LiKE tHiS**
so all the bums hang out by my new store, they have a leader we call king bum... He got dethroned by police today for choking out a hooker. The bum heirarchy is in shambles right now.
I know we had a good night last night because his turtle was half asleep chewing on the used condom.
Condom broke. Took her to CVS for plan B and parked in expectant mothers spot. I laughed.. she cried
i'm having flashbacks of crying and telling you i was made out of egg salad.
I was taking a bath and he burst in, sat down and started taking a shit. RIGHT BESIDE ME. My lack of privacy astounds me.
Can I get a "hallelujah" for railing my pastors daughter last night?
I was the king of the handle race. My team finished it in 56 minutes.
you don't get it. Nobody wins a handle race. there just degrees of losing.
Also I walked home in over mitts \nLet's take a minute to really laugh about that
i'll probably be on drugs forewarning
forewarning i'll probably have done those drugs with you
We found you facedown on his couch in a pile of cheerios, with only one shoe on. Dude you said you were staying in last night.
No. Dude. I didn't knoe it eas floibg to move. It's slepprru ixuy!
i was watching the elves fighting on my knees while waiting for the shrooms to kick in then i realized
Really should've known 2020 was gonna suck when the guy dressed as baby new year got arrested at our party 5 past midnight...
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