I'm at breakfast still drunk holding a blow up parrot
I totally thought the tree was playing the guitar
Do you think he likes his girlfriend's moustache?
i stapled my math hw together with an ear ring, too ghetto?
When you get home we need to compare our schedules and set up masturbation slots. I'm scares of you walking in on me. Again.
Thank god the bicycalist i hit was on drugs
Anne I just took two ambiens. I think my body is melting into my blow up bed. Like a stick of butter just slowly melting. And I'm alright. Don't be afraid. I'll be alright.
I was about to smoke a bunch of weed and lay naked while I cried all day
Bring fortys. we have the duct tape. its onnn mothafuckaaaa
I have learned that if you don't want to hook up with the guy who walked you home, food is great compensation.
Also, no joke, I think that raccoon hair is still in my eye from last night.
First stoner thought of the day: Life would be so much better if there were more things that were biscuits and gravy flavored.
I had no idea he had such passive aggressive animalistic tendencies. This is the human equivalent of peeing on someone.
He put on star wars porn, i thought it was hilarious last night but now i'm wondering why he has star wars porn
I'm gunna wear a purple dress, so if you see someone looking confused and lost wearing purple it's probably me
Randomize
