areee we human. . .oorrr areee we dancerssssss?!
you srsly need to quit going to that bar
Starbucks introducing alcohol. i hear angels singing.
i really wanted you to get laid last night and i didnt think you were going to. so i posted porn on your facebook.it made sense at 3am
I mean i might have to drop this class tomorrow. I just walked into a midterm
I'm on the bus and the homeless person in the seat to my left is jacking off to a cartoon picture he found. He's now cleaning up with mitten I dropped.
We did nothing beneficial to ourselves, or our country last night.
I remembered to bring wine in a nalgene bottle, but I forgot sunscreen and water. I'm starting to question my life decisions.
So, I'm stoned at his house petting the neighbors cat I made him steal.
You're a fucking train wreck.
Boys that pee in my bed don't get happy birthday wallposts on facebook
DO IT, or I'll send you pictures of my hickey to remind you of your loneliness
I think I'm too tall to 69 successfully.
I think I might cry.
like are we talking 'quick beer' bad or 'break out the real vodka' bad
I manage to fit my wine bottle in my koozie and the rest is history
Some guy named spider just bought me 5 shots
There is an episode of "how it's made" on tv right now. The subject is tequila and water beds. Basically my life.
Randomize
