So #1 way to come back last night and #2 wishbone and I broke into his house and i opened joey's door and u were both passed out and pantless.
The project manager just came into talk to me for the first time and I had justed googled best drum solo ever and couldn't X out of the screen.
my three year anniversary of no dick sucking is coming up. you can throw me a party with a penis cake.
I wish the iPhone would register texts from 11:59 as "Last Year" instead of "Yesterday."
she would only give me a road handjob because she didnt want to unbuckle
safety first
Pregnancy confirmed. Complete emotional instability achieved. I just cried through 95% of Avatar.
the problem with open bar is i never know what to get
did you really just start a sentence with "the problem with open bar is..."
We raised our shot glasses and you screamed out "TO MY DAD FINALLY GOING TO REHAB!"
Now go wash the fat girl off your hands.
It's 3 in the morning and there is a bird chirping it's head off outside. GOD DAMNIT THIS IS NOT A TIME TO SING OF YOUR CHEERFUL BIRD MERRIMENT YOU STUPID BIRD CUNT!
I think girls have an advantage in chugging contests. We know how to just open our throats.
Well at least I will forever be known as the girl he ate out on the lifeguard stand while people walked by. On the first date.
Well I got black out drunk before the rehearsal dinner and berated my family with insults. But other then that it was a good time
I think I'm just gonna exercise my lungs and fingers. With bong hits and crochet. BECAUSE I AM A REAPONSIBLE ADULT DAMMIT!!
last night I learned that if you try to buy tacos in this town, that you will be stopped by three cop cars with breathalizers
Randomize
