So #1 way to come back last night and #2 wishbone and I broke into his house and i opened joey's door and u were both passed out and pantless.
THEY JUST PLAYED KISS FROM A ROSE TONIGHT IS PERFECT
I find it ironic that im starting my birth control on mothers day.
the only time i'm productive on weed is when i drink.
just had wine and brownie batter for dinner. Single life is good
I just realized I am holding a beer in 133 out of 134 photos of me on my facebook page.
Nobody is perfect
I'm at Waffle House wearing one of the paper hats in the other
5th glass of wine. There's pictures of Jesus everywhere. It's like you're constantly reminded of your sins here.
seriously, i am too high for the omelet station to be playing Being For The Benefit Of Mr Kite at 7am
So I'm seriously debating forwarding these sexts to his horse faced new gf including the ones that say he still loves me... but I still need his check to clear... decisions decisions
Of course it was necessary for me to call the strip club and ask what their shower policy is. Smelled like she was wiping her ass with my eyebrows during that dollar dance.
bad news.. campus security walked me home last night and when i tried to tell them where i lived they assured me they knew where our house was.
Its like drunk me is Oprah except instead of a car everyone's award is seeing my boobs
Can u pick me up? Lost my keys.
Sure. FYI- you "lost" them on the roof, trying to throw them over the house.
Did you clean my apartment?
I thought it was a dream, I'm sorry
Please stay more often
Sorry I didn't have my phone all night. Did we hang last night?
You bit me
Oh lord I need to hear this story
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