cant believe you said you would bone perez hilton
i said paris hilton
thats even worse
Oh my god he is having a sentimental moment right now.
He just sent me like a really heartfelt confession of love in which he ended with "make the apt, I'll hold your hand while you get your clit pierced."
I got so high last night I started crying because i couldn't stop thinking about how scary space is
I dont think problem is the right word. Problems arent something you enjoy. Life would be too boring without gambling.
She just kept screaming you name over and over. Im starting to think this is my alarm clock
When I came in she was screaming "boundaries!" at the cat because it was trying to eat her pizza rolls.
CORAL IS FAR MORE RED THAN HER LIPS RED
Oh god you're Sonnet 130 drunk, aren't you.
Best oral ever, hands down so to speak. but I'm starting to want to meet that lesbian truck driver he says he's better than. Just for comparison purposes of course.
I have full custody of my vagina however you are granted visiting hours
Dude. I am seriously trying SO hard not to be amused by Honey Boo Boo. But the fact is, she just got a mani pedi with her gay uncle Poodle, and he got a discount because he only has nine toes, and I am ALL IN.
Is it okay to send him a "thanks for the sexual awakening" note?
Baked goods and tits. Hard to go wrong there.
My sex life reached a new low tonight: we stopped into this bar so I could pee and when I got out of the bathroom my parents had ordered a round for us and this traveling nurse they met and were trying to run game for me. Saddest part? She was actually going for it.
When we sit on the couch watching TV, she always cups her hand around my balls. Not sure if it's a sign of affection or a "power play" to remind me just how vulnerable I am if she chooses to make an aggressive squeeze.
All I know is I woke up in the back seat of my car, with the engine on, and my gps navigated to florida.
Randomize
