margs and chips and queso make the world go round
well and inertia
Just soaked up some whiskey with a paper towel and then squeezed it into a cup for consumption. New low.
He tugged on my tampon string and said 'there's a snake in my boot'. Needless to say he called me Woody and quoted Toy Story the rest of the night.
It's officially time to start saving up weed money for the NCAA tournament
So i know you wont get this until you land, but if i'm late its cause i was having sex. being blunt and hope that explains things.
I'm riding shot gun after Shawn took a dump in a happy meal box because we were making record time.
I plan on just grabbing someone's dick if I have to. They will know what's up. Why else do you go to a bar alone on valentines day?
I know you're very busy with sleep and things, but when you wake up we need to talk about weirdly shaped penises.
Today is a spill-drugs-all-over-myself kind of day.
I'm in public and Taylor Swift is playing. It is taking all my effort to not screech like a goat.
The tit pic search didn't go as planned, some old guy sent me a pic of his balls and said stop texting his daughter. Better luck tomorrow
Dude, he paid us overtime to smoke weed out of a bong at his house
Sometimes I refuse to go through a door until someone holds it open for me because I'm a fucking lady.
Bring shot glasses to the final. Don't ask questions.
I parked in the SAE Fraternity lot and left a note that said if you don't tow me you will all get a blowjob.
Randomize
