I just watched a woman in a full wedding dress and veil walk out of the chinese buffet...I no longer believe I have a problem, and am afraid I am underdressed.
you wouldn't believe how quickly birth control dissolves in vodka
WHAT THE FUCK. SUCH A BAD IDEA. YOU'RE NO LONGER IN CHARGE OF NOSE SUBSTANCES.
James this is colleen. This is my new number. You just texted my grandma about getting cockblocked. Congratulations.
The effect you have on my penis from a different state is impressive
Well, I convinced myself I had a sixth toe and then I ripped it off. So I PRAY you're doing better than me.
I'm going to smoke the pathetic stems and miscellaneous particles that weren't good enough for all my other bowls because its all I have left. This is my bag's Rudy moment.
I'm cutting her off I can't have my good name soiled with these kinds of shenanigans
Shit is preposterous
Your loyalty to the Redskins reminds me how no matter how much I disappoint you, you will still always be rooting for me.
His dad gives me dirty looks whenever I come over though. I think it's because I eat his food and have sex with his son.
I'm potentially being cockblocked by Old Man Winter. What the fuck did I do to piss off an entire season?
We popped the air mattress last night via sex and we just kept going but it feels like I have a bruise on every vertebrae
Okay I'm ready to show you that my weiner still works
Too late, I'm convinced it's broken
Hungover. No words. Just memes.
Fuck you i've put so many pretzels in her shirt
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