what i wouldnt give for a night at orourkes without seeing 3+people ive slept with
Can one do a walk of shame from one's own hotel? Considering I just barfed in a planter down town in from of a bunch of business men in suits on my way to a work breakfast on a Wednesday morning, I am gonna just go with yes.
you jizzed all over me and yelled "makeover"
He just called shotgun on the way to the squad car.
Package from mother. Contents: Cookies, my old pokemon cards, and condoms. Note: "These have a July 2010 expiration date so give them away or use them with a gal that would be a great daughter in law. Love Mom" Love you too momma
we spent fifteen minutes trying to convince you that you weren't locked inside of your car
I cant tell which is worse. That its only my third time doing laundry this year or that its the first time ive done it sober.
Thank god for makeup because it looks like someone took a shit on my face
In my defense, last night's hookup turned out to be my actual girlfriend. That's gotta count for something, right?
She's been drunk for three days now
Like three straight days. 72 hours
She's been covered in glitter for the last two and somehow she found a monkey
Why the fuck is there a picture of us jumping a girl that's wearing my chicken mask?
I can't base my relationships off of good dick and dogs.
This weekend I turned down sex to watch the Star Wars marathon... Is this growing up?
and then after the older sorority girl asked me his name she said "he gave me the rest of his mcdonalds and I decided to go home with him. it was the best that I could hope for my night"
Look at us. Planning our business meeting. Including snacks like shrooms & trail mix.
Randomize
