My roommate just did the walk of shame in last nights corset back to our room to find her dad there. THATS why i go to school out of state.
DUUUDE!! just found out that the fbi has a kids page. guess who's got a new jumior officer printout badge?
my desire to fuck abstract ideas (bravery, love, popsicls,,) increases by 8bajillion% when I'm high
How does one fall all the way up a flight of stairs? Its hard on me knowing that the survival of our species depends on me not reproducing.
you asked "if this appropriate to take the the bathroom?" while holding up a bottle of vodka when you went to pee.
She kept chasing him yelling thief, because he drank some of her drink. That was at 8, it got worse.
First if all, whoever designed penis shaped ice cubes is clearly daring me to shove them up my vagina
I hereby state that I am over the age of 18. If I am not of age to purchase or consume alcohol products, I hereby acknowledge that I have not received any alcohol products from said party host. Also, in the event of injury or death, said party host is not to be held accountable. Please reply with your full name and today's date for your e-signature". *note: no text, no entry.*
Sorry bro, just a precaution. You know, ever since the "Jake incident". What a douche.
I threw up sweet potatoes. Worst thing to throw up ever. They came back mashed.
Seriously, I want to give you a plaque thanking you for your dedicated service to my vagina.
is anything happening tonight?? I'm soooo in need of a tasteful and healthy bender.
She throws back shots like they are NO-THING. I swear, she goes through like five straight tequila shots, does a jello shot, chases with half a hot dog, has a rum and coke, and then takes her shirt off and makes an impromptu bandage out of it for fuckin' Tim who cut himself on the flagpole. I'm going to marry her.
The fact our science teacher from high school was buying us drinks and hitting on me doesn't matter.
He's watching Always Sunny and eating refried beans straight from the can.
I’m a lady. I promise I won’t oogle your junk when we go skinny dipping.
Randomize
