I've eaten ice cream, mentos, an extreme gulp and swedish fish today. i feel like diabetes. the actual disease not a person with it.
I wonder if those guys know that i know that is a halfway house and dont just think it is some cool older guy frat house.
my hot student got the clitoris wrong on the lab practical...so it kinda makes me not want to pursue it
just because he can't find it on a cat, doesn't mean he can't find it on you
there's a sledge hammer in the bottom of the swimming pool... so whatever happened last night was probably awesome
And then I learned that we are dating when I said it's out of line to bring fuck buddies home to meet the parents. And then I was single.
Even her dad came up for the body shots. Wasn't sure what to do so I just laid there and let it happen...
You're gonna judge me.
Howd you sleep with him already
We pretended the crowd cheering the Thunder's win was cheering for us while we had sex on the couch.
My underwear said "hard to get" on the butt. He laughed when he took them off.
I'm wearing a suit and have no chance of getting laid or robing a casino. I consider this opportunity a failure
My house smells like bleach. Also, I do not feel bad about all the stuff I stole from the hospital while I was there.
Burritos, beer, and hot tub sex. Merry Christmas to me.
we watched a guy take a shot of tequila while riding a unicycle
I'm talking to a corgi on tinder..wtf has my life come to
if you didn't cry because you couldn't find me and then pee your bed, your wingman status would totally be revoked for leaving me at that party.
Randomize
