Btw I've read that book you bought me...And I'm such a bitch now
But I don't think guys love me
this morning i woke up under the kitchen table. i went to my room and there was an inflatable whale in my bed with a banana duct taped to where its penis should be. there were trails of cheez-its around my apartment and i found $67 in the crotch of my underwear. im guessing i had a very happy birthday.
Got hit on at a funeral service by cougar. I think I just got Reverse Will Ferrell'd.
There will be two dogs there to provide supervision. Not to worry.
I'm doing it for my vagina. You should understand that
We couldn't find him for like 4 hours. Turns out he was sitting under a tree and had thrown his phone in a lake because he couldn't figure out how to unlock it. Freshmen.
I kind of feel like BP. I'm dressed in green and absolutely horrible for the environment.
I just had nipple jewelry returned to me in the law library.
REALLY should have cleaned under my bed before I had my parents come help me pack...things my parents just found: several condoms and a bottle of lube. My mom when she found a condom: "ooo ribbed. Laura's a lucky girl"
I'd google it, but I don't really want my search history to say, "Name for masturbating on a flight."
we fucked and then he hand fed me a hot pocket
JUST DENIED A NEW YEARS KISS BECAUSE HE WAS A COWBOYS FAN.
I told him I wanted to get on him and ride him to Montana. It didnt end like i thought it would.
Is it sad the checkout lady had to inform my mom she can't buy alcohol before 8am?
i keep smelling vagina and donuts, which pretty much sumarises this morning. happy birthday.
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