This is your Morning Wood Report: I have it.
This last weekend single handedly took me off the liver transplant list
doing washington apple shots with my mom. sunday afternoons suddenly got so much better.
i don't think my family understands the severity of a twenty first birthday.
So chef boyardee smells exactly the same after you throw it up
i literally discovered the exact same thing last week. i had the lasagna one
ravioli
On my way to the DMV to get arrested
Ok! I picked up an anti-celebratory bottle of champagne on the way to dinner for her going to rehab. That's how I feel about this...
You were saying you didn't want to go home and insisted that I drop you guys off at your uncles. That's how you ended up sleeping on a porch with two dudes
I'm not trying to be dramatic but if someone makes you choose between getting a Brazilian or dying. For the sake of your sanity just fucking die
I'd rather not be labeled as that girl who came over, drank a bunch of their alcohol, woke up the 5 year old, broke shit and left
Guess who just sucked off 1/5 of one direction?
He started making out with my boobs. I didn't know whether to be proud of my boobs or ashamed of my mouth.
Our relationship revolved around Taylor Swift albums. It's no wonder it ended so fast
I don't know who he was but he was covered up with a shower curtain and ate a whole bottle of tums
Grabbed the cop's ass and he still arrested Heather instead. Victory is mine!!
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