lol whn u cming hre I nd 2 c ur fce
IF YOU TEXT ME ONE MORE SHORTENED VERSION OF A WORD, THE ONLY THING YOU'LL SEE IS MY FIST IN YOUR FACE.
oddly enough my penis is pretty tan. the part of my body that gets the least amount of sunlight is tanner than most of the rest of my body.
I think its part of male evolution. Pretty soon they'll have diamonds on them and taste like chocolate.
he has 3 profile pictures up and all of them are him riding jet skis
everyone knows he gets back in a week and after that i'm not sleeping around anymore. it's like i have a expiration date.
toilet paper cling ons are not as adorable as the little red cub makes them look on the charmin commercials.
She just sat there, all alone, with a bottle of booze. And the dog. He even looked like he didn't wanna be there with her.
he likes to slap my ass alot untill he missed and hit his own balls poor bastard kept on going.
No, i will not have sex with him again. It felt like he was trying to bulldoze his way through me. My vagina is on strike.
Went outside and he was playing rock paper scissors with a cop over a drunk in public ticket.
I. recorded a message of me yelling at myself to "get up out of that bed" and set it an alarm. REALLY loud
i wear a size 32DD bra. its basically impossible for me to get a speeding ticket
the good news is that even if it's Alex's, I can still say it's Colin's, because the kid will come out ginger anyway!
who knew there'd be a plus side to your ginger fetish one day?
Had a slight melanoma scare this morning. Spoiler alert, it was Nutella.
I'm scrolling through our convo thread and all we talk about is pizza, alcohol & dick with the occasional "I miss you" thrown in.
They call you PBJ boy because you were trying to seduce me with pieces of a peanut butter and jelly sandwich. Successfully might I add.
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