my underwear are soaked with white zifandel yet i have continued to wear them despite the fact im at home
Life lesson: using the oven as a heater= $500 electric bill
I'd like to apologize to your liver. It sees how much beer i drink and gets jealous of how awesome my liver is.
every time i recognize a doctor or patient at the hospital on this rotation, i just pray it's not from my blackout saturday makeout slut moments...professionalism shouldn't count on weekends
I have been running off of weed, alcohol, and Mexican food. What is Tallahassee.
Lesson learned. Never get fingered on an airplane.
that girl from work that wants to bone me just said 'the last time i went this long without sex was in jail'. sup, red flag
We left your bucket of puke on your doorstep to clean out yourself. You're welcome.
no. 1 rule of bromania: no females
You made out with a guy who refers to his cock as "rafiki." Are you proud of yourself?
I got written up at work for smelling like sex and vodka. Still not sure how they put that into professional terms.
tonight were gonna drink champagne and watch girls put themselves in awkward position
I just wanted to warn you I have strep throat incase I gave it to that guy we both hooked up with on New Years.
I'm 50% okay with that amount of body contact... plus/minus 7% based on where blood may flow.
I have a black eye again and dont know why again
Randomize
