Did u get laid? I went and bought lube and fleshlighted it while moaning ur name the whole time.
maybe i would like her more if 99% of her sentences didn't start with "yesterday when i was reading twilight..."
I hate cats. They're so curious, it's not their damn business.
no really all good couples have similar hair colors!
Apparently I climbed into a dryer last night and refused to leave... There are pictures to prove it
Dude with the Beatles haircut just got his pilots license and wants to take us up to do a case race mid flight. Don't tell me networking is unnecessary.
110% paid for our cab with a lap dance
The ONE weekend I don't put anything up my nose, and it decides to bleed like crazy
Bring me the dick of your room mate Alex and I will reward you in in skittles.
can I share that I'd like to fuck him in my new car as a sort of car warming present to myself?
I'm not saying you did or didn't sleep with him but he's has your thong hanging from his ceiling fan
SO DRUNK
PUKED IN DRIVEWAY
TELL PARENTS SORRY
then he told me my boobs feel like "if you put mushroom soup in a baggie." I don't know how I'm supposed to feel about this.
You told everyone to shut up then told the officer that you are 21 when you drink.
I think I was judged by a squirrel this morning during the walk...
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