dude, you're being a jerk.
sorry, didn't mean to pull a Cheney
You are an awful beat friend I am goin to die in a car accident and then my corpse is going to be used by criminals ala weekend at bernies to rob a bank then my corpse will go to jail Thanks john Thanks for nuthin
I woke up naked by my window. blinds open. smiley face drawn on my window.
I was sitting behind this girl in class and she logged out of her facebook, hacked into her boyfriends, and then proceeded to check his inbox. This is why I'm single.
If I have to go to the hospital can we stop by the liquor store on the way?
Now that I'm born again, I'm preserving my gift.
Your vagina isn't a White Elephant gift. You can't re-wrap it after it's already been given several times. That's white trash thinking.
You asked him for a membership to him and his dick.
You have no idea what this goes for my ego. I literally made you cum in your sleep.
The creepiest man is serenading me at the bar right now. I had about a quarter of a drink left and the bartender just walked over and filled it with vodka and walked away laughing.
They have a house rule that you get a composite for every 5 guys you sleep with. Where should I hang my new one?
Someone just asked me if I was chewing red hot gum.... I'm LITERALLY SWEATING OUT FIREBALL.
I like to be the stable force in your otherwise chaotic existence.
it was weird going down on him. His picture of Jesus was staring at me the entire time...
Guys I ate pizza off the fucking ground of the cab. I am the worst type of person
first he passed out on the toilet...then hugged it and screamed no no no as i tried to pull him out
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