I just ran into the couch, vagina first.
I hope you got dinner out of it
don't get me wrong, i love how you're fun and free spirited. but there are some situations...like shooting down a bottle of sambuca standing in the shallow end topless surrounded by my friends
its impossible for me to find something that fits my tits my muffin top and my ass all at the same time
Note to self: never do anything I don't want to explain to a paramedic
he ruins everything I try to do including his roommates
Someone is gonna learn how to start an IV in the morning
We tried to make a sex tape, but we were hammered and she forgot to take the cap off the camera. Somebody starts snoring 10 minutes in.
She bellyflopped onto the poolside bar, broke one wine bottle, and stole another...the resort staff just frowned and cleaned up her mess.
Whenever you feel bad about your life, just remember the time I tried to swim while high and thought for a minute I was genuinely drowning
I'm going to superglue stuart's hands into socker boppers
No just sleep deprived. James woke me up at 7 and forced me to eat a hot pocket with him cause he " didn't want me to die".
Ramen still too hot to eat. Eating it anyway. Stoner girls feel no pain
Seriously. Are we going out tonight? If we're not, I'm going to put on sweatpants and do drugs.
You were giving me all the reasons why being the big spoon is such a responsibility, and how you wish you were a girl cause the little spoon does nothing
Would you like to get a drink then hook up or reverse order I don't really care. Hopefully you can keep this between us.
Randomize
