I just didn't expect you to be so naked....
I shampoo & condition my pubes, sometimes i wish my face was closer so i could rub against it cause it feels like plush
I hate seeing commercials about babies when i'm high
Yeah, I don't like babies at all
i will pay you if you can come get me. he just suggested that we would have a hockey themed wedding.
I don't think going to Relay for Life and painting our faces while everyone stares at us is a sufficent late night after the bars.
Oh wow. Was walking and just saw her in the pool, fully clothed, ranting on an alligator float. I guess i should go get her before security gets here.
Dude you were tripping so badly we put a pretend box around your head and you spoke silently for the rest of the night. I think pterodactyls were involved.
The low-flow toilet at my office cannot handle the intensity of this hangover.
HE'S BRINGING FRIED MAC AND CHEESE BITES. I GET FRIED MAC AND CHEESE AND SEX PEOPLE. BEST WEDNESDAY EVER.
I just sat in the bathtub with the shower running so I could eat the whole box of mega stuffed Oreos. What am I doing with my life
If we had kids we couldn't come home, get high and watch porn together. And that's like the only reason I get up in the morning
Not saying puking on the side of a cab was how I imagined freshman year of med school but...
I ended up in th ER yelling my height weight and age
I was just drinking but now I'm drinking and chasing with red bull. I call this "getting ready for work"
I'm completely creeped out. He's dressed as me. And thinks it's funny.
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