I can't believe I paid your booty call for a ride home in cake.
Well no need to be a stranger, even if you aren't interested in joining my bisexual polygamist marriage. New city, new friends.
We told you to stay put for 2 minutes. We come back out and your being handcuffed yelling "DO YOU FEEL LIKE A GOOD FUCKING PERSON ARRESTING ME ON MY BIRTHDAY?!"
Smoked a topless bowl this morning. For International Women's Day. Quite liberating.
Nothing says "Good Morning" like Jell-o shots and coffee cakes.
So, I'm tripsitting Ruben cause he's on LSD, and he's starting to eat the chair because 'it is evil' according to him... I can't choose: should I stop him or film it?
I just had sex with the megalodon show on in the background and it was just as magical as it sounds
I will be single by the day my lease is up (234 days). Plan accordingly.
I'm not real sure what dinosaurs sound like, but dude, she made dinosaur noises.
I really appreciate you taking the time to blur out my excessive boob cleavage for instagram
Guy just walked into the bathroom with only socks on and took a 5second shit. It is taking me longer to type this than for him to shit, wash hands, and leave the bathroom. WTF? Still wondering why he only had socks on.
I will be wearing a suit out more cuz it has been decided i rage harder with a power tie
He caught me shoving meatballs into my mouth using my hand. Fuck utensils. It’s Christmas...and this is why I’m single.
They are good meatballs.
Congratulations! We have a period
You fucked him, didn’t you?
He showed up at my house with tacos, rum and a negative Covid test. Of course I fucked him. I’m just a simple girl that likes tacos, not Margaret Thatcher!
Randomize
