Well I think that's a good thing that I'm not full of someone else.
then she said "on the count of three I think we should apologize to eachother"
my mom just called and warned me someone is trying to serve me, i feel like i'm playing an extreme game of hide and go seek these next weeks
I need a horse. I don't think you can get a DUI on a living creature.
not to mention it took an hour of antique roadshow to calm my dick down
Today's face brought to you by last night's make-up.
That was a $3000 rug we rolled him down the hill in.
shes the kind of girl that would cock block endangered pandas
We had car sex in the parking lot of the dispensery while he blasted Tony Bennett. It was so fucking romantic.
THE MAINTENANCE MEN WERE DOWN STAIRS AND I THOUGHT THEY WERE MY MOM. I'VE BEEN YELLING 'GRILL ME A CHEESE' AT THEM FOR HALF AN HOUR
If my neighbors have super loud sex again tonight, I'm going to leave a ball-gag and roll of duct tape in their mail slot.
Our sibling relationship has really blossomed into a wonderful mutual acceptance of sluttyness
we need to make pact to not cut each other's hair on coke and whiskey nights.
While I agree, I dont think thats realistically possible
Remember how I have such good luck that it's almost bullshit?
I'm afraid to ask, but go on.
WHERE THE FUCK AM I? AND WHO PUT DUCK TAPE ON MY NIPPLES! MY NIPPLES!!!!!!
Wait til you see what we did to Dave. Hairy bastard will never be the same
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