Who would have guessed that ordering a vodka lemonade at Roscoe's was code for I want a hand job
We better get laid next semester cause I prayed hard
I even walked 30 feet with my eyes closed from two love rocks so that we get some cock
hows that letter of apology to the waitress at waffle house coming?
Dude I think I vomited on the wireless internet box too...it isnt working.
his fiance had made him a calendar of pictures of her. he asked if he should take it down and i said no. i wanted her to watch.
We talked about all of the sex positions that would better allow him to feed me grapes. I think I'm in love.
Judging by the amount of alcohol multiplied by the amount of her exes here, tonight will be ending in tears.
she puked as i came inside her. that has to mean something.
Wackin it to the USA womens soccer team. My own personal way of saying job well done.
Having a vagina does not stop me from believeing my balls are bigger than yours.
I can't be here...my therapist just watched me take tequila shots
She showed up after 3 hours and proceded to make us all feel like resonable human beings. I dont know how she did it but she did it.
My body hates me. Pretty sure I drank 3 pitches full of coffee last night and took two adderal. I slept and ran a marathon at the same time. You should see my bed.
Her blow jobs are legen wait for it seriously like 9 people I know brag about them dary
He told me to grab his penis so I did and swung it around and said “awe, it looks like the wacky inflatable tube man.
Randomize
