i literally forgot his name and just started calling him "waffles"
dude she's married.
so? a ring don't cover no holes.
that shit musta been laced I laughed for two hours and everyone looked like penguins
when you get a chance can you look up 'free abortion clinic' for me? cuz i dont think i'll be lucky enough for a second miscarriage.
Is it weird if I ask my drug dealer to prom? Be honest.
stop changing my ringtone to people fucking, it looks bad at work
she just made some guy spank her... then made some chick take a running start and spank her.
I'm sure I'm not the FIRST newly single girl to table dance at a family restaurant.
He peed in the bird bath. Those birds are gonna be pissed
I'm scared to see what happens if we keep winning like this. I don't think there enough livers for every one after the season is over.
If I come in tomorrow with a cane and a seeing eye dog it's because I just mixed up my salicylic acid acne stuff with my eye makeup remover
Learn from me. When going to a booty call do not wear a belly shirt. Nothing says shame like a belly shirt at 7am.
In the pie chart of my life, she is a huge part of why I drink.
WE ARE DOING DRUGS AND GOING TO THE STRIP CLUB SATURDAY LADIES
are you still alive?
no.
i'll cry at your funeral. and leave a burrito by your tombstone
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