I just caught myself dancing like an old lady in the shower. Have I reached the age where booty dancing stops and swaying of the upper body begins?
I hate cats. They're so curious, it's not their damn business.
I think I'm pregnant with his hipster baby. It keeps kicking my stomach to the beat of mgmt songs.
You just kept saying over and over "Tell me I won't do it." Someone finally told you you won't. You did. Welcome to herpes.
If Andre Agassi did Crystal Meth, what was John McEnroe doing?
True Life: I hate vaginal excretions
Chances are I'll be there for your wedding. Camelbaks filled with jack and coke are appropriate attire, right?
She had one drink in her cleavage and another in her hand. She kept rotating between the two by leaning backward and then sipping the one in her hand.
Annnnd I didn't even notice there is a guy dancing in a jock strap beside me. That explains girls smiling at me
I still count it as showing your tits. Even though the wall was the only one who saw anything. Your boyfriend was pissed.
Spent 20mins wondering why my roommate wouldn't answer after we were pounding on the door.....Def went to the wrong building.
He literally stole all the change that was on my floor and ran away while I was peeing. I have to rethink my standards.
i just passed i guy i once let listen to me masterbate on the phone...nyc is not big enough
I'm more than my video games and dildo collection
I know it's going to be a good day because he didn't notice the bite mark on my butt.
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