I'm sending you this that that when you wake up and see the girl sleeping next to you, you know who to thank
My mother just asked me if i ever swallow the goods...should i be concerned?
new rule: cockblock me if I have had over a fifth of jack. no matter what.
Maybe she got knocked up by accident. I still refuse to believe that anyone actually INTENTIONALLY gets pregnant.
I just drank til 6am then boned a 32 yr old that looks exactly like ET. Oh god.
im looking at burger kings website. there isnt one anywhere close to where we were last night. i think it was sent from heaven
I just had to download an app to edit pictures on my new phone. The things I do for sexting...
Well for starters the people who just made my burger at the grab and go just told me to "hang in there"
I just traded ecstasy for trapeze lessons...you in?
life lesson #151: dont let people go batshit crazy and stab you in the knee
i will live by this rule
Dude if i sent you a picture of the inside of my fridge would you be able to break down and explain everything that was in it?
So did I or did I not flash an entire concert last night?
was i wearing any clothes at that point?
socks and a thong
I opened the bathroom door and the starting point gaurd was eating out my art history professor
Consume your own penis you ugly freak.
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