Wow, you were right... Weed does start conversations
Facials are how you say "I love you" in porn star.
she looked me in the eyes and called me a poet because i was singing lady gaga, then she fell over...
I miss the days when all my weekends consisted of were 69 and crunchwraps
Tell me why I'm at Target and this entire Spanish family is crowding around the condoms questioning which ones they should get
I noticed when you had too much when you were yelling "HOE-HAVE-A-SEAT" to his cat.
At what point were we discussing suction-cupping a dildo to the wall?
This is like a relationship, I expect to be mind blown at least once a week.
I figured you left because I was a shit show. Were you still there when I got locked in the bathroom and didn't know where I was? If not, that could have been a dream. I'm still not sure.
I CAN CONTROL MY GERBIL WITH MY BREATH. HE FOLLOWS THE SMELL. PROBABLY WOULDNT BE AS EXCITING IF I WASNT HIGH OFF MY ASS, BUT STILL
my roommates tied me up with rope and duct tape then left me outside the door to the hot girls' suite on my floor, knocked on the door and ran away leaving me there with a sign that says free
Look at all the pictures I have of us sucking on jello syringes.
I don't know what part of my sober brain thought it was a good idea to get stoned when I can barely walk with crutches as it is, but that part is stupid.
I have his gate key so know he has to see me again.
I had to put my dog down, accidentally outed my brother, and was given a fucking fish sandwich instead of a Big Mac ALL IN ONE DAY! Am I really the person you want to consult for advice? Hhhmmmmmm?
Randomize
