We could sell used underwear with pictures of us wearing them.
Having sex with the stobe light on was the best bad idea I've ever had.
There is an old man sitting across from me. Phone rang and his ringtone is children giggling, I'm not safe here.
Balcony sex scratched the shit out of my phone. Whups.
I've blown him so many times I feel like I have a better relationship with his dick than I do with him.
Starting drinking whiskey at eight. Already had ten girls looking up my kilt to make sure I'm wearing it right.
You were yelling at the bowl of salad and telling it to quit taunting you and telling you to go to tacobell
Me and him getting it in is for special occasions only. Like Christmas and when they bring the McRib back.
I used my yoga mat as a door stop so he couldn't come into my room when i was sleeping last night. Drunk engineering at its finest
Just to let you know... If you ever want to get me a gift, the One Direction perfume comes out soon....... It's called Our Moment. It's an appropriate gift for a 25 year old woman.
Some guy I've never met before just came outside and started rolling a blunt on our fence and passed it around to all six of us. At eight in the morning. Today's gonna be weird.
I'm in Home Depot and I can feel the straight bob the builders staring at me. I bet it's like I have a rainbow arrow pointing at me.
please tell dad to clear the porn off his tablet before he lends it to anyone from now on
I just saw your brother in some random persons yard climbing a tree. Just saying.
Probably on drugs.
He updated Facebook... "Got a new phone today." WHAT ABOUT THE FUCKING KID YOU HAD?!
Randomize
