I wanna put my baby in that!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Ew you even made it your fb status
Ppl probably think ur having a kid
I hope
Love having children with random chicks
I love family holidays its the only time when playing beer pong, and smoking hookah with my family isnt looked down upon
today i did the best job ever shaving. like my vagina is PERFECT. plus i straightened my hair for a good hour. if i don't get ass tonight, i'm killing a baby.
I can't make Walk of Shame Wednesdays a recurring theme.
I watched her choke out a bouncer with the broken strap from her purse, I think shes the one.
I rarely go in there. Unless it's for mini cadbury eggs and whiskey.
Just heard the girl at the bar cuss her bf out and order a long island ice tea. Going to give it 5 min then I'm going in. See you on the other side.
Those titties aren't worth a lifetime of listening to her talk about gluten free yams and japanese manga.
He kept falling asleep with the pizza in his hand. I woke him up and told him and he was shocked because he thought he ate it all. Then he would end up falling asleep and we'd repeat the whole process again.
He pointed at me, then leaned in and said "shes the best at blow jobs" then chris fist pumped him and said "dude, I know"
I haven't been sober in 4 days.
Then be sober
No.
I'm about to get my nails done. Would the polish name "meet me at the altar" be too straight forward for a first date?
You threw a handful of caps into a pitcher of Heineken and asked everyone if they wanted to go "bobbing for molly"
They are like untrained puppies reaking havoc on a newly furnished house. Out of control.
You just compared our vaginas to a newly furnished house...I can dig it.
They just made me take another shot and I found out the liquor store next to my brothers house has a petting zoo
Mind. Blown.
Randomize
