She's perfect. Funny, gorgeous, 3 tats, been through a lot, bright. I'm in love.
his dog just threw up on me too. its like im a throwup magnet to that family.
i just stepped in cum. i hate you.
Thats what happens when you don't swallow.
Well the party says they're going to have three kegs and four trampolines. I think I'm going to invite my EMT buddies just to be safe.
It's like trying to pry an octopus off you. Except the octopus speaks English and can get drunk.
and he should realize what an amazing ex i am for encouraging my best friend to hook up with him
Its not personal, its just business. I'm the Donald Trump of blowjobs.
The amount of alcohol I'm going to consume on my birthday is directly proportional to the amount of shit I've had to put up with this past year. Which is a lot.
Dude, I just had the best sex of my life in a porta potty at the NCAA girls lax championships but didn't get her name or number. But I have her sunglasses. How is this possible, I'm sad.
I love your life.
We called dibs on each other's genitals. That bond is unbreakable.
I got a message from the hook up gods today that it's time to move on. It came in the form of me being shoved in a closet naked and stuck in there for 30 min well he watched boy meets world with his brother.
This Alex the guy who suck your belly ring
Looking through last night's sexting, realized one is a haiku..
Yeah I'm just gonna shower and drink a gallon of coffee and drunkenly write my research paper. It'll be fine
She's better-looking with the mask on.
Randomize
