the cure to his relationship is in or around my vagina.
It all came flooding back to me: there was a woman with one hand
toilet paper cling ons are not as adorable as the little red cub makes them look on the charmin commercials.
well at least you didnt have sex with him. i feel like a proud mother. you always have sex with them.
Two girls just making out in the elevator. Didn't stop when the doors opened. Part of me didnt mind, but part did. Bc I wanted to get on the elevator without it getting awkward. Am I gay?
I just ate a bag of doritos while taking a shower. I can now officially do anything
i would really love it if at least once per weekend i did not wake up to you half naked passed out on the floor
The lady at Walgreens was all excited my pregnancy tests had a coupon.
He's carved the words "SLAM STATION" into his headboard...
Jacked up my neck and shoulder hanging on for dear life while I rode him like a boss. Plus my house smells like broccoli, bad! How's YOUR morning?
He called from a stranger phone to say. He was a t a liquior store and there was a long line they have no condoms. This is the guy i was gonna go on a date with
Atleast he is letting you know he will be late
Yeah, this is not that. This is a father and son bonding moment involving my all of my orifices.
I'm not gonna lie, my internet creeping skills scare me. I'm like Liam Neeson in Taken
He wasn't excited for the fifty shades of grey trailer, so I told him we're done
I just watched your sister pour half a bottle of cotton candy flavored snow cone syrup into a bottle of marshmallow flavored vodka, take a swig, frown, and pour a cherry coke in.
Just wait until she offers you a "powerita"
Randomize
