i just walked outside for a cigarette and three men walked by in glitter heels and gold shiny thongs. god i love chicago
HAH. HARRY POTTER CASUAL CONVO HAS BEEN EXTENDED TO DISCUSSING WEATHER. SO PRO
I had a guy present me his prison release form this morning as id
i just looked in the mirror i look like i'm about to film a PSA about prostitution
Would it be sharing too much to tell you that my nipples hurt so much that I couldn't comfortably go down the stairs?
Will do. If it all falls thru I'm just gonna set up a sprinkler in my back yard and run thru it while taking jello shots. Perfect alternative to my 29th bday.
He won't let me go to the bars unless I can manage to get flip flops on.
Sounds like he's doing this for your own good...
He told me I was his first American. I feel like I should've brought a flag to plant on him.
OH GOD NOT SANTA BABY. NO NO NO. YOU'RE LIKE 85. OMG MULTIPLE WOMEN. NO NO NO STAHP.
Life Lesson #1 of 2013: double-fisting shower beers and shaving my bikini line should be reserved for two different showers.
Trying not to look at her chest is like trying to not hear a fire engine racing by.
Omg one of the midgets from last night just added me to Facebook.
I didn't want to hook up with him so I just jumped out of bed, yelled "I don't even believe in god!" and ran out of the room
If you hear a loud thud and smell ozone, I may have been electrocuted.
Sitting in my kitchen at 3am, craving dick and eating peanut butter instead. I'm not sure how I feel about being 27.
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