he's chasing his jose cuervo with hot tub water
He asked me how my body knew that a month was up when it was time for my period.
we've been at disney 20 seconds and she already got the cops called over
If i die in the snow, get to my laptop and delete all of the nickelback. password is "barry"
as in "white"?
you really dont want me to drink and drive. you saw what i did to my face and that was only from walking
whatever. i don't care. i just want to be drunk wrapped in an american flag.
Dude I was taking a shower and I kept looking down at the drain expecting Mario to come up, yell "It's a me, Mario!", tickle my balls, and go back down the drain.
Stop leaving me alone with my ex boyfriends after keg challenges. Woke up in his bed covered in what you think would be cum. No...toothpaste. He left a note. "Be home at four. Don't be here when I get back."
yeah...that's gonna come up in court
There is someone hissing in the hallway. Not even a typo. Not pissing. Hissing. Like a large cat. Or a komodo dragon.
Come to my pity party. It's being hosted in my basement. The theme is ambiguously sexual cuddling and wine.
Tbh you just need to fuck it out like I don't know another solution
We're going to get naked and build a fort instead. HAPPY NEW YEAR!
Basically we had a threesome in one room and a fivesome in the next room. Its what I like to call a win win situation.
shit... I double booked my fuck buddies
Randomize
