Not only did I hold your hair back as you puked, i french braided it. I am such a great friend.
Like some sort of pot growing robin hood.
He's high as balls tripping balls and doing a reenactment of the scene where Buzz jumps off the balcony and can't fly to his soundtrack of Toy Story.
Come to wine Wednesday bro. We have a fog machine
she was braiding my hair and singing forever young while she vommed everywhere at the same time. Talent.
He just walked from his house to mine. Walked in and asked for a hug and then left.. And he's sober.
There is nothing quite so awkward as watching topless bullriding with your mother next to you..
When that bartender tried to tell us he sang like Sade, I knew it was time to go
Drowning in science and also vodka. Hope you're having fun.
you know it was a successful halloween when you wake up and have a firecracker in your tits
I went from looking for a bong to home decor in a 10 minute span. This is what being an adult is all about!
I'm going to write a new song and call it "Did I wax my vagina for this?" remind me to never go across the country for a penis ever again.
Goddamnit, guys. I got lube all over my kindle.
If a cop comes up to me I'm whipping out my cock, swinging it around and singing the national anthem
will you help me invent vagina-safe pop rocks?
Randomize
