would it be inappropriate to describe you with the phrase "bigass titties"?
i just won an entire level on word mole with the word 'clitoris'
They threw me out of the bar because I was arguing business ethics with the owner of th bar
She came home wasted 'not wantin to talk about it' so for revenge I woke her up with a dutch oven and she puked all over me and the bed. I can't win.
Dude I told you 22 year olds shouldn't get married
you kind of just crawled on top of him. that was the point at which i became concerned with how drunk you were.
Just for future reference, me asking if you're free, followed by a winking face is not my way of suggesting a tandem bike ride.
Just opened up the freezer to find chocolate penis popsicles. Too hungover for this shit
I'm at a gyno in Japan. Safe to say every possible rule of etiquette is about to be broken. Buckle up, motherfuckers.
On the food pyramid big dick are "sometimes foods"
Seriously??? You send me boob shots with your husband and kids in them???
Apparently at some point last night someone gave me tequila. There was a few shots left when I woke up so that was breakfast. This is a good birthday
I just tinder matched with a blue angels pilot. I need to make out with him. For America.
Sorry I told all the other bridesmaids you were an asshole. I had had a few drinks and it's how I felt at the time.
I just woke up to my family in the living room watching our security camera tape of me last night talking to a stop sign in our backyard... How the fuck did I get that in the yard?
look im sitting on my bathroom floor in my underwear snorting cocaine can we talk about this later
Randomize
