Swine flu. Run for my life!
So A**** bought my story about how my hickey was a bruise from wrestling
on one hand i'm glad that i'm not in trouble...on the other hand i realized that the reason i cheat on her is because she is so stupid
we were taking shots of hot tequila, which is even worse than it sounds
don't worry, i already broke the ice when i told the story about how i super glued a picture of big bird to my vag.
so my doctor just swabbed my throat, and he looked up in suprise when i had no gag reflex. yea, he just judged me.
while you laid on the ground I poured water into your mouth out of dog bowl some random guy walks by and said now that's what I like to see.
For the first time in my life, I paid for my own alcoholic beverage last night. Am I getting ugly?
To be honest, kinda.
I'm such a fucking super-fan. I was worried his cum would wash away his autograph.
She made me be the little spoon then she pretended to be a jet pack for an hour straight
Just retrieve me from the bathroom floor when you're done
Just gave a blow job while wearing a shirt that says 'world's coolest mom' idk how my conscience feels...
Just copped mushrooms from a dude in a business suit. U comin or what?
My backyard is filled with beer cans. You idiots turned our backyard into a redneck ball-pit
Did you send me a cake saying 'Happy 1st One-Night Stand Ever'?
my boobs just made me lose a game of beer pong. the balls hit them, bounced off and into the cup. twice. ive never been so disappointed in them.
Randomize
