how do you clear previous safari searches on an iPhone? i asked my brother to google something for me and "big penis" "empire chinese food" and "reverse cowgirl" popped up.
Having a race with the dryer. Seeing who can get drunk/dry clothes faster.
Sometimes I stop and laugh and think "and these are my actual life choices".
Step 1: drink. 2: drink more. 3: go for it. 4a: success. 4b: drink more. 5. drink. 6. go for other girls. 7. drink more. Sound good?
You told me to pour the Gatorade on you "like Flashdance"
She makes walking on a treadmill look like a porno. I wish I could send over shots as an ice breaker.
That's effing brilliant. We should start a business.
I've decided that my night was probably over when I started eating the penne vodka with my hands.
Im currently watching two girls making out. In the library. Hope your studying is going as good as mine is. Haha
He was humming "here comes Peter cottontail" while unbuttoning his pants. Happy Easter to me
They say find what you're good at... Evidently that's showing up late for everything, drinking, and eating cheese for me.
I'm shaking a cocktail while in bed. Is that bad?
i can believe you didnt get any, i was wing-girling the shit out of him
all you did was repeatedly scream GET IT IN
Well. I think my red tank top is jinxed. this is now the second time it's gotten jizz on it.
You have to commit to sexting. You can't just quit right after I send you pictures of my asshole.
Seriously, come on.
I feel like there's a picture of my ass on the internet right now.
I hate you.
we've dated a week and made out twice. he is taking it slow. but his body is stupid sexy. just want him to stop respecting me and fuck me like a gutter slut. respect me later im not getting younger.
Randomize
