I just had one of those nervous system things in my thumb...I'm pretty sure I have cancer.
id fuck shawn from boy meets world only if we could name the baby topanga.
Things he has used as lube on me: olive oil, cologne, purell, spit, tanning oil, and bottled hotel lotion
He needs to save up for some actual ky before my vagina gets an allergic reaction
is that a crab cake on the shelf with the dvd's....?
My ex just sent me a message asking if she could blow me, but only if we get caught by her new bf. If she promises to swallow I'm doing it.
i think the theme of this summer is "shitting in weird locations."
fuck whipped cream. I'd eat vegetables off those abs
I think I fucked up my elbow when I tried to fight off the paramedics.
I don't know what part of my sober brain thought it was a good idea to get stoned when I can barely walk with crutches as it is, but that part is stupid.
when we woke up this morning she was missing two teeth. the front two.
I just lifted up my shirt to scratch my stomach n a Dorito flew out of my pullover n it legit scared me when it hit me.
They're the one who can profit the most when given the opportunity for blackmail.
At least that's how I've always seen it whenever I've been the Designated Driver.
That simultaneously explains everything and makes me very very terrified of you.
Idk I saw a cheetah print onesie and it reminded me of your Lion King fantasy.
i walked into her house and she introduced me to her family. i dont think she understands the term booty call
dad says come back and get the lawn mower out of the pool before mom gets home
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