Psycho is an understatement. U were running around the house screaming IM UNDER THE IMPERIOUS CURSE
I skipped class, don't know why though bc all I did in the meantime was cook pancakes and watch infomercials..my life sucks
i just farted in a meeting....took me completely by surprise.
so you made the shocked face and they caught you.
yup.
she met some random, took his vcard, peed in his bed, left, and then requested him as her boyfriend on facebook
i'm not entirely sure that 'not getting kicked out of the bar until it got dark' really classifies as 'doing better'
We're in ER. He's high on morphine and I'm drunk. Gonna score some bed pans for jello shots.
this is you don't wonder off at 3 am with no pants on. Just stay there and pray to god you don't get arrested for being on school property.
Bro, she used the potato bongs to make French fries after. She's deff a keeper.
I'm not about to serve this country to fuckin not have rum and cheezits for breakfast
Well, if you're getting/have gotten your dick sucked, you're welcome. If not, I tried. Step up your game, pussy. I pulled a MacGuyver and got mine. No excuses bro.
I gave you the craziest sex experiences of your life, the least you could do is let me keep the sweater.
i woke up to a text from someone I put in my phone last night as "Giant Penis"
what did G.P. say?
oddly enough it was a dick pic
Is it awkward to pay for your boob job with scholarship money? Either way, it's happening.
My FIANCE just told me he thought you were the prettiest out of all my friends YOU WHORE
Enjoy your early 30’s! You’re still young enough to catch a twenty something that can fuck 4 times a day, hot enough to date forty year old penises that can last long enough to give you multiple orgasms
Randomize
