when did we get to this "texting at random" level on friendship?
too bad you can't see the clap by looking at her face.
she is a standing ovation.
Maybe you should go over there and lead him on and reach down his pants like he's about to get some and yank his balls.
That's the best idea I've heard all day.
mom just found 19 empty wine bottles in my closet. i hate spring cleaning
Haha. We better find him. He looked like he came out of Switzerland's vagina, he's that much of a blonde beauty.
Dunno yet. Probably just gonna play the s.t.d. russian roulette game with random bartenders at the beach again. Same 'ol same 'ol
Who the fuck superglued glowsticks to my arm.
We need large glitter to throw at people to signify our mystic nature
Fuck their feelings and their drinks they will get hit with sparkly confetti
YOU DON'T JUST GET TO CALL AND SAY YOU MIGHT BE DEAD, THEN NOT ANSWER!
I'm to the point where I'm fantasizing about Iron Chefs going down on me.
This chick just walked by and pet my beard. Don't know, never talked to her. She just walked by and pet my beard.
Marry her
I JUST WOKE UP WITH MY UBER DRIVER
I did a trust fall off the bar and then almost got into a knife fight over a push up competition. Just another Tuesday.
A guy just threw up in my lecture of 500 ppl and just got up and walked away
If the amount of time the owner spent looking at my tits is any indication, I’d say I can probably sleep my way to the top
Randomize
