I would fuck her until my dick fell off. then i would fuck her with your dick.
my boobs just fell out on the dance floor. my wedding is totally beating your wedding
Just got an Edible Arrangement my parents sent me for my birthday. Time to marinate some fruit in vodka.
She woke up laying on my kitchen floor, ketchup bottle as her pillow, in front of my fridge.
Luke did at least 8 shots of pure mayonnaise last night. I am not sure if that is better or worse than my 2 cement mixers?
I'm going to get pregnant and die... Mean Girls warned me about this but I didn't listen
I can only only sleep there on nights I orgasm cause he snores so loud and if he leaves me hanging one more time ill probably cut off his dick from lack of sleep and frustration
So apparently using the emergency exit of the bar as a bathroom is frowned upon in this establishment...
Tell me again your tentative move date. There are 5 Russians in my apartment on ecstasy and they are having a rave in my living room. I can't. I need to move stat
I don't know what weirder, the fact that I flat out said "I thought I deleted you from facebook" or that she responded with "I just hacked your account and readded myself". Never thought I'd say this but I wish drunk me would stop making friends!
im glad im back to a point in my life where i have enough sex to sometimes be offered and be like naw im good.
so "excuse the stench" wasn't the correct thing to say when your boyfriend's parents walk in on you shitting. Live and learn
I made the last cup in beer pong off the dude's hat. I also faintly remember rapping Forever by Drake during said game.
Ok sry I left that ambiguous......did you want contact solution or fellatio?
Been using bowl smoking as a method of time for so long I don't know how long it actually takes to get to work
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