Omg. Budweiser tramp-stamp sighting @ Wal-mart. Best tattoo EVAR.
I ate a lot of your sunchips. I mean a lot. Like 4 to 5 bags.
I discovered the grieving process is shock, denial, anger...and then something about drinking until you puke on yourself
A cab driver remembered me by name, address, and ex fuck buddys nick name from a year ago. I mustve been one memorable shit show.
Just think, this time last Cinco de Mayo you were holding me up and finding me passed out in the yard of that house.
I definitely hasselhoffed a taco bell burrito on my kitchen floor in front of my dad and little brother.
Have you SEEN his girlfriend?? Or talked to her? Christ almighty I'd drink every day just to die let alone black out
Poking every semi-decent guy on Facebook in the hopes that one of them will want to hook up with me tonight. So far all i've accomplished is 5 new poke wars which i will most certainly continue after this weekend.
There was blow residue on my chem book and my TA was like, did u stain your notebook with CaCO3?
I knew it was going to be good when he took off my bra and I only realized 5 minutes later
Security has videotape of her blowing the boss against his car. Don't they know he entire parking lot is under video surveillance?
We don't know where he is but he left his pants and what appears to be a tooth here so he's gotta come back sometime
We'll never be able to grow apart now. You can't look at a stranger & say "Yea I ate goldfish crackers off his dick." & just be casual about that.
Did that sound smart? Cuz beneath the boozy exterior beats the heart of a fucking scientist.
It was weird, it was like my heart got a boner. Is this being an adult?
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