my night went downhill once I lost my bikershorts. EAWSSSSYY ACCESS
i wanna stay in my bed and fart for a few more hours
I can't go out tonight I need to save my money for important things.....like rogaine and ecstasy.
I would give away a ton of these clothes but I doubt there are any homeless people who dress as slutty as me
you thought your tounge was "malfunctioning" because every time u spoke it wouldnt sit still.
She has an album entitled "my photography", which consists of about 80 different pictures of a tractor that she took on her cell phone. I'm all for freedom of expression, but come on.
I just saw an old lady yelling at a dead pigeon for leaving the oven on.
Did you fuck him in my garden last night?
That WOULD explain the dirt in my vagina
The things i do for you...I put all those condoms on a bed, complete with girl, and you sleep in the bathroom
Please don't mistake my med student status for responsibility. I'm drinking tequila while studying vascular surgery techniques.
I saw that you sent me a photo and the first thing out of my mouth was "I swear if it's another photo of a dick poking out of a bubble bath"
His ex-girlfriend just gave his current girlfriend the heimlach omg omg omg help this is so awkward
It's pretty telling that my resolutions all involve who I will sleep with in 2014.
It's important to play to your strengths.
See, remember when you wanted to get an Ashley Madison account and I told you not to and you hated me? You. Are. Welcome.
"suitors" is just a nice way of her saying "the guys i'm fucking"
Randomize
